It’s a wonder that this cousin app to MyFitnessPal didn’t catch on with tools like these:
- Food diary suggests new, complicated diet plan every week that “you could seriously lose 10 pounds on.”
- Exercise tab hosts scroll of “motivational” messages like “You can push harder than that!” and “Yeah, ‘rigorous’ for my grandma.”
- Nuclear “I ATE ALL THE THINGS” button on homepage leads to “Just kidding! We won’t let you give up that easily!” error message.
- Every News Feed item triggers the automatic response, “Wait, seriously?”
- Snacks section of food diary appears and disappears at will.
- Calories burned in exercise is calculated for you now and for your high-school-sport toned body from 10 years ago. Just to compare! Just for measurement’s sake!
- App pushes notifications to track food to your phone every 15 minutes, but only when you’re out to eat or at happy hour.
- “Dress/ Pant Size” report displays astonishing ongoing lack of progress in clever new format.
- Alcohol consumption entered into food diary is secretly doubled. Hey, where did all my calories go?
- Ads hawk nothing but designer dresses, model talent agencies, cutout bathing suits and Cake-Of-The-Month Clubs.
- As you mouse over the “Complete Entry” button, app suggests local Mexican restaurants that deliver.
