But I still have 94 monkeys to go

13:48 27th Feb 2012

Notes: 14

Tags: thereluctantrunner taper madness corporate challenge Workplace

As if to illustrate!

I'm at a work presentation where they're serving pizza. There are two dudes sitting in front of me.
DUDE #1: No pizza?
DUDE #2: I'm training.
DUDE #1: I see.
DUDE #1: What are you training for?
DUDE #2: Corporate Challenge.
DUDE #1: That's, like, in June.
DUDE #2: Yeah, but the #1 guy competing for [Workplace] last year left the company, so. The field's wide open. No pizza.
94MONKEYS: **eats all the pizza**
FIN.

A few weeks ago I heard a woman at work complaining about how much weight she’d gained over the holidays. To make herself feel better, she said in a bright mocking voice, “It’s okay!! I’ll just be proud of being a big girl! I’ll own these size 10s!” as if that was the worst thing that could ever befall a person.

Today I heard her bragging that she only eats 1 meal a day (lunch) and never works out. So, glad that’s working out for you! I will just keep eating like a normal person, working out and not saying ignorant shit.

10:51 4th Oct 2011

Notes: 89

Tags: mental health is health too?balance Workplace

image: Download

Just a little diagram I made to remind myself.

(You know you’ve been spending too much time at the office when the best way you can think to express your ideas is in SmartArt in PowerPoint. And yet, there it is.)

18:12 20th Sep 2011

Notes: 18

Tags: dad jokes yoga Workplace

Dads making yoga jokes

ME: I took a yoga class at work today. Then a coworker threw me under the bus during a call and it was not that great : (
DAD: Luckily you could stretch to fit under that bus!

10:25 6th Sep 2011

Notes: 9

Tags: workplace malfunctioning robot office yoga

Math problem

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (squats and lunges)

+ Dress

+ Wedges

+ Corridor with 2 tight corners that people tend to zoom around…

+ …right around the corner from the coffee machines

= How soon will I bump into someone at work and then topple over covered in coffee like a sack of potatoes (in a dress)?

Today is also the first day of office yoga, which will either restore my normal walking patterns or… well, let’s hope that. Otherwise it’s Didn’t you know the Malfunctioning Robot is in this year?

16:05 4th Aug 2011

Notes: 11

Tags: Workplace

A social media experiment with cookies.

Back in February my mom sent me a case of Girl Scout cookies at work. I didn’t take them home at the time, because I knew I would just eat all of them, and not in a 2-cookies-after-dessert kind of manner. (I’m telling y’all it’s sabotage!) So they sat under my desk.

I did eventually bring a box home to my roommates and had a few with them. I mailed five more to my friend in London because she can’t get them here. And the rest just sat here, symbolic of… I don’t know? My failure or my success? I couldn’t open them and I couldn’t throw them away.

I thought it would be hilarious to see who in the office was actually reading all their Google+ streams, so I posted an hour ago that anyone who wanted a box can come by my desk.

No bites. (Pun intended.)

Next, I will use Twitter. Next, the trusty old mass e-mail. Which will get the most responses? Only time will tell!

(SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU ALL GET PAID THE BIG BUCKS FOR, COME TAKE THE COOKIES AWAY.)

Important update: Two of my coworkers saw the Tweet and came over, and they attracted enough attention that a bunch of people came over not having seen the updates, to tear into a few boxes. Experiment tainted!! But coworkers happy.

16:38 27th Jul 2011

Notes: 13

Tags: food paleo Workplace

That time I volunteered to help my work friend (who eats paleo) to pack his desk because he'll be on vacation when we move.

ME: how hard can it be. I just hope you aren't hiding a case of coconut milk under there
ME: like a caveman do
WORK FRIEND: there's a couple non-perishables in my desk drawers
WORK FRIEND: some paleo, some not so much
WORK FRIEND: there's a can of tuna, some olive oil, hot sauce
ME: oh, that's fine
WORK FRIEND: and a box with one girl scout cookie
ME: lolllll
ME: is that the one you are sending back to warn the others?
WORK FRIEND: right
WORK FRIEND: THIS ONE NOT EAT

12:30 5th Apr 2011

Notes: 3

Tags: Workplace corporate challenge

Whatever your skill level – from getting out and walking once per week to running 20 miles a day – you can start preparing to help the team. To help get you started, we’ll be forming a running group that will hold a series of pre-race runs (“training sessions”) over the next few weeks.

— Well, I finally became the kind of big dork who’s actually excited that my company is going to do Corporate Challenge pre-race events. Now, to get my coworkers involved without seeming creepily concerned with their health…

10:55 14th Mar 2011

Tags: Workplace

Over the weekend some foods in the office vending machine were tagged with a “Balanced Choices” sticker indicating that they were useful for a “healthier lifestyle.”

I’m not saying I never have nor never will… but fruit snacks and Baked Lays? I think it’s a stretch to say that these are truly healthy. (“Fat-free! And they have vitamins!”) The low-fat pretzels I will allow, although I think there’s a serving size bait-and-switch on the bag, I don’t remember.

Tempted to put up a passive-aggressive sign directing people around the block to the Walgreens with the banana shelf RIGHT where you walk in the door.

09:41 26th Jan 2011